plank

Plank Story: Underwear Expert

This is not my first plank story about underwear. I am not an underwear expert by any means, as you are about to learn. We have very close friends who live on a street with the name Dusty Bottom Lane. They once bought Matt a pair of Duluth underwear—definitely the best underwear in the world. (I don’t sell for them, I just know Matt speaks very highly of them.) One day Matt had to climb up into the rafters of our house to hang a curtain. He went up wearing only in his undies. He came down, wearing his Duluth boxers and a layer of dust all over his bottom. I laughed and suggested that: “We have to text a picture of your dusty bottom in the underwear they gave you.” Without missing a beat Matt responded: “We are not sending anyone a picture.” Fair enough. I get that.

So instead I just sent a text: Matt’s bottom is dusty from climbing up in the rafters in his Duluth undies. He won’t let me send you a pic so neither can you see the underwear you got him or his actual dusty bottom. SEND

Then I immediately started repeating, “Oh, […]

Plank Story: Underwear ExpertMaggie Downie2018-02-14T16:54:53-05:00

Plank Story: What Ails Me

I often hear people say that men act like babies when they are sick. That is not the case in our house. Matt could be violently ill, he will try to push through and then he wants to be left alone to feel miserable in private. I will push through too, but when I cave to the illness I want to be rubbed, and have homemade soup at exactly the right temperature fed to me, and a bell I can ring when I want to be told that it is unlikely I’ll die from whatever currently ails me.

My poor mother. I used to ask her that too when I was sick. “Do you think I’m going to die?” She never did. Matt never does.

Plank Story: What Ails MeMaggie Downie2018-02-14T17:39:24-05:00

Plank Story: You’re Weird

Seriously, do I seem weird to you?

It was Christmas Eve, and I don’t recall what warranted this response, but my friend’s seven-year-old daughter said to me, “You’re weird.” I chuckled and told her, “Well, I take that as a compliment.”

“Well, it’s not,” she retorted. I laughed harder, after which, we had a brief, light conversation about how it’s good to be different. Later that night, our families were exchanging presents. This young friend’s school sells gifts so that kids can buy presents at school for their families. She had picked out various thoughtful gifts for everyone in the room—hand soap for her aunt, crosswords for Matt’s dad, a candle for Matt’s mom, a flashlight you can attached to your work badge for Matt. When it was my turn […]

Plank Story: You’re WeirdMaggie Downie2018-02-14T17:43:58-05:00

Plank Story: Boxing Ezzard Charles

Robert “Red” Hale on the left.

Both my grandfathers fought in the South Pacific during WWII. Of all the stories my grandfather’s shared with me, this is one of my favorites:

Red Hale in the South Pacific

Sometimes during the liberty the sailors would start a pick-up ballgame or set up a boxing ring. While serving in the South Pacific, my grandfather at 5’9″ had just entered a make-shift boxing ring. He had the gloves on when a monster of a man stepped in at six-feet, 200-pounds. My grandfather and his twenty-nine inch waist turned to the ref, eyes wide and hollered, “Take the gloves off! Take the gloves off!”

But the larger man said, “Don’t worry, kid. I’ll go easy on you.”

Plank Story: Boxing Ezzard CharlesMaggie Downie2019-06-17T17:47:32-04:00

Plank Story: The Critters at My Door

Matt was traveling for work. I was home alone after dark sitting in the living room when I heard a noise. A noise I can’t quite describe, but it is the sound of horror films—a metallic scratching and thudding. My heart jumped to my throat because I knew I was going to die. This was definitely the sound from the movies right before someone gets it, and I was hearing it in real life. Who would do this to torture me? Had I locked all the doors? I was pretty sure I had.

I followed the noise, not knowing whether that was the right move. I tiptoed through the house in a terror trance. The noise pulled me through the kitchen […]

Plank Story: The Critters at My DoorMaggie Downie2018-01-13T15:48:05-05:00