Pause for a moment. Allow yourself time to take a deep breath. Look around. Soak in the sensations of the moment. Notice thoughts and worries racing through your head.
It appears more and more common knowledge that being present is vital to our mental health and well-being. The trouble with us humans is that we have all these pesky “unwanted” thoughts. While being present is beneficial, it bothers me to think of thoughts as unwanted. Those thoughts we try to push away to be ever-present are, in part, what makes us who we are. Those worries and concerns for our lives are perhaps proof of our sanity.
At 97 my grandma has developed dementia enough that she can’t live on her own. She has good days and bad. The decline is not linear. I am not attempting to put a positive spin on dementia, but I am trying to see the positives in a sad and trying situation. My Grandma still remembers us. That may not last forever. Her dementia hasn’t made her agitated. It’s estimated that 90% of dementia patients experience aggression, agitation, and depression. She shows minimal signs of irritability. In her confusion, she looks more childlike.
My grandma has primarily lost her short-term memory. While she remembers me and we can chat about the past (somewhat as even that is fading), if I leave the room, she doesn’t always remember I was there. Meaning that when I reenter, she will look up at me with a huge smile, “Maggie! How good to see you. Let me hug you.” We may have hugged ten minutes ago. I hug her again.
My grandma says my name in a way no one else does–an accent all her own. She stretches out the end of the first syllable and has a lilt as the two syllables combine. I’ve always loved to hear “Maggie” in her voice.
My initial thought as she descended into a lost world was to visit less. She didn’t remember, so in a busy world, it’s easy to think that’s an activity to pass up. When I realized how imperative her present moment was, I changed my mind. She perhaps cares I’m there more than most. It’s all she has.
We think the present is so key, so vital to a good life. But my grandma is trapped in the present. Free from the worry we all face in life, she is actually lost.
I’m not arguing we shouldn’t attempt to be more present. It can help us cope with stress. It enables us to commit more to memory. When I travel, I often pause to ensure I relish the moment. Both to prevent life from racing by and so later, in my mind, I can recall the smell, scenery, and sensation of where I am. I want to share the story later.
Our memories may bring us joy. At times, they may make us melancholy. Our worries for the future can torment us. Those aren’t defects. When our mind is healthy and functioning optimally, the present is not all we have. We are fuller beings. Why do we strive to brush our thoughts aside and tell ourselves those thoughts are unwanted?
I failed at meditation for years. I could never clear my head of thoughts. My success with meditation came when I stopped trying to fight my thoughts and recognized they were okay and totally wanted. Instead of fighting them, I should listen and decide which require engagement. Which matter? Which don’t? Why do the persistent ones persist?
Instead of disregarding our thoughts or placing a negative connotation on them, we need to learn we can control them or at least dialogue with them—please don’t have me committed just yet for having a conversation with myself. In a world where we control so little, the ability to regulate what and how we think matters. Learning to manage fear of the unknown is perhaps what life is about. Being present is only part of the story.
Fears and dreams of the future are what propel me to do anything interesting in the present. Memories of the past provide me a tremendous life.
As we head into a new year, where resolutions of self-improvement run amuck (or, perhaps, inspire us to greatness), remember there is actually more to life than the here and now.
Please don’t mistake me for saying practicing being present isn’t advantageous. I’ve found much pleasure in reveling in the present moment. Simply remember that the thing we are trying to overcome to be present is not a defect. It may actually be what provides us with a fully human experience.
This New Year I’m going to visit my Grandma. I’m going to hug her every time she realizes I’m there. I’m going to try to remember the smile on her face and what it sounds like when she says my name—not just to fully enjoy the moment, but because I want to enjoy it again in the future when I can’t have her in my present anymore.
Go gently into 2024. Make sure your self-improvement is improvement and not someone telling you that you’re defective when you simply have all your faculties intact.
Keep Reading
It’s the time for New Year’s resolutions, click here to learn about making manageable goals!
It’s hard to not let stress get the better of you. Click here to read about how to handle stress better!
Keep Connected
Order Your Copy of Keep Moving Today!
Subscribe to the Keep Moving Blog
Like the Personal Euphoria Facebook page
Find us on Twitter
Follow me on Instagram
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
